Healthy Kosher KidsI really would love to…, but…
So you made the decision to…Eat better, Sleep better, Exercise better…Call home, not lose your cool, be happy and upbeat…the list goes on…and on. The question is will it actually happen?
There are so many things we would like to be doing in more constructive ways that would ensure we were more focused, productive and in good spirits. Yet, with all good intentions in place we find that it is not as easy as we thought and often we fail, sometimes even with intense goal setting in place, we just give up. The old habits, so firmly entrenched, seem to win over our most determined efforts and to top it all off, we are left feeling dejected with the belief that it is all uphill and it’s best not to even try.
There is much discussion on resolutions, goal-setting and change and different opinions of whether we adapt better if we make drastic moves or small baby-steps. It is most likely that we need both, because it is the extreme force that powers real action and the continued repetition of the action that enables it to become the norm, the regular, so that we no longer need so much effort to maintain that particular practice.
The moment of commitment, a SNAP
There are many times that we really, honestly want to pull through with our decisions and it just seems that we are incapable of succeeding. It is not because we have changed our minds or lack willpower, it is because a certain part of us is still stuck doing what we are used to, what we have been doing till now. Change means breaking the regular, habitual and automatic behaviour and sometimes this takes a SNAP moment, that space in time when everything stops and we tell ourselves ‘I’m done with what I’ve been doing, I’m ready for something new’. You commit not just to change, but to being something else.
Snaps need to be supported practically.
Inspiration runs out, most times, if it does not have what to fuel it. It is like this with most things, they need to be nurtured to continue to grow and establish themselves properly. Behaviours are no different and, especially at the beginning, there is a lot of resistance to a new situation. There are many forces fighting our best goals and desires: habit that is deeply ingrained, fear of what else may happen in our lives if we begin to change or sarcasm and ridicule from other people. To counter all this we need to put some mechanisms in place to help us.
1 Move the routine around a little. We can think when it is most difficult, when we are most likely to struggle; is it when we are tired, home alone, out with friends? We can plan our schedules differently so that you avoid those spots as much as possible. Even if we can’t avoid them, we can disguise them a little if the timing or setting is not the same as it was. Just the fact that we managed to take charge of our position can feel empowering and encourage us to maintain the desired pattern. Removing that feeling of helplessness and lack of control is the first step to success.
2. Remove things that disturb and distract us from the goal. Actually get rid of them, gone! This, too, is liberating and simultaneously makes space for new items that can support our new growth. It takes time and guts to physically remove objects that we are attached to, but that attachment can be limiting us. We need to remember that we will always be supported and if we are brave and make a clearing there is plenty good that will present itself to us.
3. Positive and uplifting reminders: visual items like pictures or postcards, sayings, statements and stories or an object (can be as simple as a plant, candle or magnet placed in a certain position). Ensure it is inspirational, negative images only serve to frustrate us and make us feel that we will never be successful anyway.
4. Support, this is a big one. We need to surround ourselves with the right people; so bring other people on board, a spouse, children, parent, neighbour, colleague, friend, teacher or advisor. Depending on the situation it may be someone else, that’s fine, it’s not picking and choosing, but rather about knowing who we feel comfortable with at that point. It should be someone who we can laugh with or can accept constructive comments from without feeling intimidated.
5. Recognition, from ourselves! Why do we sit around waiting for others to notice our progress and comment? It’s like saying that our own opinion doesn’t count which would be terribly insulting if suggested by anyone else. We can raise our self-awareness and pay attention to our little steps and achievements. Rewarding ourselves doesn’t need to be a full blown celebration, it can be anything that makes us feel good and that is as unique as we are; some time out to read a book, a walk, talking to a friend, cooking something special, getting a manicure.
Concentrate on all the good things we have.
When we feel happy and secure in what we have and where we are going it is generally much easier to stay focused on our commitments. When we start each day with a moment to appreciate that we are, that we matter, that it will be good then it really is more likely that we will be that way. Think of the good things that will be happening that day, and we can’t think of any we need to create one, at least! Write down the things we are grateful for, do something to make someone else smile.
Keep going, especially when it’s tough. It’s good to feel like we are drawing on all our resources, it makes us resourceful, it means we are winning the game.
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